Week Seven: - 3 lbs! ! ! Whoo-Hoo Whoo-Hoo!

This was a great week indeed!!! I'm so relieved that I lost 3 lbs. this week. That is a total loss to date of just over 15 lbs. That is wonderful for me! I can't believe I've done this. I am so happy about it.

This was an interesting and quite challenging week. My grown children came to visit for a brief time, and we all went to West Virginia to share our time with Grandma (my Mom). We took time to visit Dad's grave together as a family. I'm glad we were there for each other, but it was still so hard. We then went to Ed's parents grave, and then to Aunt Rosie's and Grandma Gallo's grave. I'm glad we did, of course, but it was so hard, especially Dad's grave (for me anyway). Gheeze, I'm crying just writing these few words about it....

::heavy sigh:: I miss him. Really miss him. But, I think he is always with me in a way. I know he would want me to be happy and have a successful life. He was proud of me.
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OK, let's get off the pity pot and back to being grounded in today and reality.
What was I celebrating?! Oh, yes, I'm back on the weight control mind set and so glad about it. We celebrated birthdays this weekend (Bonnie Belle's cake included!) but I was able to "just say no" for that one. I'm grateful that we were able to celebrate together, it is a rare thing.

Ed's brother cooked a wonderful breakfast for us on Sunday morning. He went out of his way to get fresh Italian bread and hot homemade Italian sausage. So, I had two eggs, tally toast and sausage for that breakfast. I could not hurt his feelings and say NO to his efforts. He is such a great guy. And the food was fabulous! And I still lost 3 lbs!! Amazing!

I love our family, unique though we are, we're great in many, many ways. And anyway, I always liked being unique. Really, I don't think we are all crazy. We are all strong, intelligent, adventuresome people with many various traits, likes and dislikes. Most of us are actually pretty sane.

I am thankful for this job, which allows me the luxury of time during my day to reflect on these things. I am grateful for a good boss. I am grateful for rewarding work that has real meaning and will help the world be a better place, even if only in my small way. I am grateful for WeightWatchers in the Workplace! Time at work to balance my life!

I'm really happy about being able to do WW pretty well, without feeling deprived a whole lot. I ate a turkey sandwich for lunch (which Ed made), on great Italian bread from Tomaro's. With low fat swiss, two pickle "stacker" slices, a teaspoon of Miracle Whip Light. Then Tomato Salad, a cut up red pepper and a kiwi. It was great! I couldn't even eat it all. That is my usual lunch.

For breakfast I had 1 cup of oatmeal with brown sugar and coffee with cream, a vitamin and Calcium+D tablet.

For dinner I'll have something fresh and reasonable. I have a list to take to the store. Maybe quinoa......I have chicken and tuna in the fridge and cupboard.

I'm glad the will to eat well has finally been able to emerge, it has been a long time coming.

I want to LIVE WELL!

Now that it [the urge to eat well/live well] is here, I plan to keep my spirits up and my will to be healthy strong. I do work every day to remember I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to work toward. I read uplifting things and listen to informative podcasts. I work hard not to focus on the things I can no longer do or the things I cannot control. I like the things I still can do and the things I can control, such as myself!

Grandma was in pretty good spirits this weekend. She said Amanda had grown up since she saw her last, which made us all wonder "When do you remember seeing her last?" but we were afraid to ask. Grandma is definitely "in there" at least for the most part. It was great to spend time with her.

I have to worry about whether my sister will suddenly stop being Mom's caregiver. I know it can fall in my lap at any given moment. This impacts my life, husband, my career and my marriage greatly. I have discussed it with my boss at length, so she knows it is impossible to plan for or predict. I am trying to plan for the unknown. Ed has turned down the transfer back to California, because we just don't know what is going to happen in WV. I have stopped looking for a new job in California and have told my boss I will be staying here.
So, we are all set now.

Anyway, I'm so happy with the weight loss of the week, and my progress toward my 10% goal. My hard work is paying off and I feel great! It is a beautiful day here and I'm planning to sneak out a bit early and hit the pool at my condo. I should run the sweeper in the condo, but maybe another day! 8-)

Life is certainly a mixed blessing, with real ups and downs. I guess people say we would not be able to appreciate our highs so well, if we didn't also experience some lows.

Week Four: -.6 lbs

Barbara in 1976

I can still remember those jeans with the two zippers in the front. And the t-shirt, I remember it distinctly, the embroidery on the yoke you cannot really see in this photo. Carefully put-together casual. I want to be that girl again.
Oh, maybe that is just too sad. I want to be slender again...knowing now all that my years have earned me, I don't have to be her again.

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OK, so this wasn't the best weight loss of my weight loss career, but at least it isn't a weight gain. I lost .6 lb. on the weigh in today. Our regular WW meeting was canceled, so I went to the community headquarters for their 6:30 pm meeting. Maybe the timing had something to do with the small loss.
I'm bummed.
I'm facing a very emotional weekend, what with my sister being, well, my sister.... and my kids coming in...I can't wait to see them. My poor Mom, how will she be with my kids? Will she remember them? Will they be OK?
::heavy heavy sigh::
I'm very worried about the weight. I went out to eat a lot this past weekend, but I ate fish at every restaurant. I'm guessing I ate too many butter sauces on that fish...too much oil on the things...or something....just too much. I didn't feel that I overate.
I have to do better this weekend, but under the most difficult of circumstances...oh Lordy.

Tomorrow is another chance! This weekend I can't control everything, but I can control what I decide to eat. I will carefully and wisely select what great foods will go into my body this weekend.

I'm rehearsing the trip to Las Vegas, where I will be eating in wonderful fun restaurants the whole week. I'm gong to eat healthy there also....I know I can do this. I also plan on doing quite a bit of walking there, so that will help also. Hey! Take a look at that! I'm looking forward with pleasure to something again! Way to go!!!

Take Good Care of Yourself, I'm in Love with You!

Taking care of yourself means...

Valuing your own needs as much as you value the needs of your family, work, and friends.

Making time to do some of the activities you love.

Finding within you the motivation to work toward your goals.

Learning to say "No" when people's requests will get in the way of the commitments you've made for yourself.

Saying goodbye to guilt.

--From my Weight Watchers booklet #3, Think First -- The Helpful Habits and The Tools for Living.
reprinted for those I love that they may realize we only control part of our world. Please read this and know I love you and only want the best for you.

Week Three: -1.4 lbs!

In today's meeting, I was down 1.4 lbs!! Yay!!

That makes a total of 12 lbs off my back (or butt, or legs....)

I'm really very happy about this. It is a life changing shift of mind I'm having here. I read every day about how the success rate is about 5% for long term maintenance of weight loss through dieting. I guess the success rate is about 60-80% for gastric bypass surgery.

I just am not going to let them slice up my body!! I KNOW I can make this work, I've lost significant weight before and I can do this again. I'm smarter, more dedicated now, I'll be able to make it work, I just know it.

There are people in WW that have lost a lot and maintained the loss. Sometimes it takes a few attempts....this is my 3rd time at a significant loss. (Third time is the charm.)

Its about perseverence, insistence, stubborness - I have those qaualities. I just KNOW I can do this.

For today, I'm celebrating my 12 lb. loss Yay!! Great happiness is feeling a bit better in my clothes already.....knowing that when I fly to Las Vegas, I'll perhaps not need a seat belt extender....Yay!! I'm feeling much more energetic, much better. I still have knee and foot pain, but not bad. I am sure this will improve as my weight decreases and my exercise increases.

Thursday - At last!!

And so ends yet another work week. Its Thursday!! Yay!!

My foot and ankle are much better today - no need for Advil or Aleve last night, thankfully. (And I really mean Thankfully!) I was able to buzz around the condo last night, washing clothes, cleaning the kitchen, sorting through the oldest of my photo album collection. That old album fell apart (who would have guessed it might fall apart after 4 or 5 household moves and more than 30 years!) What I really would never have guessed is that the old album contained over 500 photos, all from 1977-1979. I bought a nice, very pretty, and pretty sturdy album at Target. However, the new album only holds 200 photos. So, I spent about 2 1/2 hours carefully pulling the old photos out of the old album (damn glue on the back was destructive.) Then, I went through and sorted the photos, throwing out photos of some old friends' dogs, some scenic stuff that had not kept its color, some folks I haven't seen or heard from since the photo was snapped some 30 years ago. To make the cut into my new album for that time period, the photo had to be good quality photographically and good physically, then it had to have some meaning to me....it either had to be my family (mostly) or something extraordinary in some way. So, I ended up with a nice zip lock bag of the "Keeper, but can't fit into this one album" and the "Throw Away without regrets" pile and then the "Great photo - place in Nice New Album" pile.
Sure, I could have more albums (and I'm sure I will) but the whole point is to loose the excess (weight) in my life.... live more simply.

I carefully labeled the zip lock with the date range of those photos. I may go through again and weed out more from that bag at a later time. This was enough progress for one evening. I stored the zip lock in my stationary drawer in the spare bedroom. The pretty new photo album in now in my living room bookcase with several other.

I scanned in some of my favorites....I didn't scan them all because of a.) time, b.) maybe I'll have a better scanner sometime in the future; c.) not all were worth it.

I am so grateful to have the luxury of going through my stuff. It was wonderful to look at the old photos again and remember what a wonderful time I've had. Those photos from Maple Lake are terrific. Lots of family, even found a 4 generation one of Amanda, Ed, Thomasina and Grandma Gallo. Priceless!! Thomasina looked so happy, we all did. It was a great time. I am such a lucky person to have lived it!

::sigh::

Well, I love the past, but I love the present too...and the future.....and so it is that I'll amble happily into the weekend. Tomorrow is my day off. I'll go to WV to see Mom. Hope she is doing will. We won't get to see Ed's brother this time, as they are off to OBX with their families and kids.

I'm be focused on eating to support health and feeling well...fighting disability.
But for now, I'd better get busy, got a web page to edit.....

Mid-Week Blues in Bethesda

Yikes, I'm a little bummed out today. Last night, my left ankle started hurting. Now, I can't figure out why. I did a little walking yesterday at lunch time. Trying to up the physical activity is part of my overall plan for CQI - continous quality improvement. I was walking a little on grass, but it was uneven terrain, and my New Balance has a pretty rugged sole. The bottom of the shoe sometimes sort of "catches" a bit in the terrain. Not anything huge, or nothing to make me fall down, but just a little glitch. So, was this enough to somehow twist my poor left ankle a bit? I hope not, as I want to be able to do this much. I took an Aleve last night. It isn't feeling so great today, and as I walked to Metro and from Metro to my office, I'm limping. Darn. I am so afraid this will derail my hopes for getting better. I took an Advil this morning at my office.

I know when I lost all that weight before, I was maintaining until the foot problem derailed me, and I began the fast descent into weight loss hell (regaining). One of my greatest fears is that the physical part will derail me again. Somehow, I just have to be able to lose the weight again and be OK. I have to keep the mental part going and just..just..persevere!

Persevere!

I think a lot of my battle will be about persevering in the face of my personal obstacles[demons]. I'm trying to focus on how this is all for the long haul...not just numbers on a scale every Tuesday. Its got to be about living a life that feels good and is healthy on many levels.

But, the little aches and pains freak me out now. I guess I've been so overwhelmed with the disabilities and physical challenges of my loved ones, I'm just afraid as hell. It was awful to watch Daddy suffer so much, but I keep trying to put that in perspective. He was 89 years old, he always offered a good attitude and we all knew life is not forever. But sill, it was so frightening and I felt so helpless. Ed's experience of losing his dad was so different. (Not less heartbreaking, but really different.)
::heavy sigh::

Well, I digress. Guess I had better just buck up and get back to work.
Peace.

Week Three: Woo~Hoo! -2.2 lbs.

Today's weigh in was another good one. I'm down 2.2 lbs. this week, for a total of just over 10 lbs. now. About 1/3 of the way to my initial goal. Yay!!
I'm still fired up about WW, so that is good. Hopefully this will carry over for a long time to come.

Goal: More comfortable seating in August on that United flight to Las Vegas. Yes!!

Today she said it is all about persistence. I think that is very true.

Think "Way of Life"

Its humid here today, but I walked a little after lunch outside. Feels great to do that. Maybe tonight I'll get home early enough to swim a little bit.

We've had a mouse in the office, they "pest management" people placed ordinary mouse traps in our offices, which left us with a dead mouse body this morning. Some of my office buddies really cannot tolerate even seeing a dead mouse, so I checked the traps and called for backup to remove the body. Ugh. but pretty funny, as my boss is squeamish.
At least when I worked for the VA, they used a "humane" mouse trap, which kept the mouse alive and they released it right outside my exterior office door....lol.

So, its a July 4th Staycation!

Its the July 4th Holiday weekend, a 3 day weekend for most government workers. This means terrific traffic on most outbound roadways, so Hubby & I elected to just sit this one out. We totally vegged out on Friday, too pooped from our hectic work week to even get out of the condo. Mostly, that day was sleeping in the La-Z-Boys, playing with the cats, washing clothes. Oh,yeah, we watched A Capitol Fourth with Jimmie Smits, my favorite actor (currently). It was pretty rainy down on the mall, where thousands had gathered.

Ed installed my new backup hard drive, so all my photos are backed up on a separate drive. In an emergency, I can just pick up this drive and walk out with it.

Still, I felt just a tiny bit bummed to just mostly sit around on a Holiday.

Today was more fun, we ate breakfast at IHOP, sat there and tried to figure out what would comprise a healthy breakfast choice. I chose a spinach, mushroom crepe. It was good, so probably will not end up being healthy. shoot.
We followed that with going to the Rio Center and catching the Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull movie, which was fun. We had dinner at California Pizza Kitchen, (salad, thin crust pizza, sparkling water with lime) followed that with a walk around the Rio Center "pond", which was very nice, not too hot. Lots of people though.

I called Sun Valley a couple times in the last few days to check on Mom. She is OK I guess, I don't usually talk to her directly on the phone, because she can't seem to hear me. Patsy was surly with me, no surprise there. I have somehow become everything she wants to take a baseball bat to.

I guess Uncle Stanley and Donna are going to stop by. Patsy mentioned that they were the ones she had appealed to for help for our Mom, back in the late 1960's. Mom was dealing with her own mother's worsening health conditions. I was still living at home, and at times, so was my grandma. She had dementia and was quite a handful. My dad was really tired of it. It created mucho problems in our home. Mom tried various things to care for Grandma, like keeping her in Sun Valley, but grandma would take off through the backyard in the snow, wearing her slippers, and then I saw her hit my dad with her cane. She once got me aside and said "Help me Barbara, that fat woman in the kitchen is trying to poison me." Later, there were the nursing homes and then the running away from the nursing homes, until finally no one would keep her. She was a "problem patient" with dementia and a mean streak, no hesitation to hit her caregivers. This whole thing ended badly.

I was around 15, 16 and 17 at the time. I just knew I wanted to get the heck outta there, it was not a fun place to live. I was just 19 when I married Ed and we left.

Patsy was married and living in Vienna at this time. She felt Mom was in great distress (she was) and she called Uncle Stanley and told him Mom needed help. She was really angry that Uncle Stanley and Aunt Donna just didn't somehow fix this. I really don't know what he could have done. It was just tough all around. He and Donna both worked and had two kids still at home. Maybe he tried to help all he could, I don't know. I don't know what he tried, but, anyway, I remember Mom always was glad to see him. She didn't seem to think he was the enemy. She never seemed angry with him like Patsy does.
I hope they got to visit this weekend, I would have enjoyed seeing him and Donna. Aunt Donna was nice, perhaps not as charismatic as my Aunt Jo.

Week Two: - 4 lbs.

Well, OK!
Yay!
This week's loss was 4 lbs.!!

The hardest part this week was being in WV and having to deal with stress and eating out so much.
Well, that and having to handle after dinner snacking. (Ed and his pretzels! I swear!)
My sister-in-law actually had a Bonnie Belle's cake!!!! Thought I would die. I just went in the kitchen, opened the box and inhaled....love the smell of all that sugar. Would have loved to have gobbled down one of the pink icing roses......oh well. Wouldn't have been posting a 4 lbs. loss if I did that. I guess WW would say, Go Ahead and have it, just remember to balance your points....I'd eat nothing else all week?

The WW meetings are good, I like the fact that I can do this on my lunch hour, very helpful.