Greetings!
We're having unusually warm weather for a December. Today it was nearly 70 degrees and sunny here. I'm enjoying it, although I wonder what this warm spell in December will mean long term.
There are not Christmas decorations here in my condo this year. I'm feeling the pain of Dad's death, my first Christmas without him. Even though he was 89, I cannot believe he was gone. Didn't I realize no one lives forever? Except in my heart, of course.....
I'm working on his estate paperwork....I'm learning to deal with investment issues. I'm beating myself up for not being as good with money as he certainly was.
H & I are strained in our relationship again. It was going really well, I was beginning to feel warmth toward him again and a bit of my old spark....then I found a paper with a woman's name and phone number. When I ask "Who is Aliza?" I fully expected him to say, "A co-worker." But, he said, "She is a woman I met on the Metro." Oh, no, not again. I am sad and disheartened. He will never be able to change. Which means, hey! Wake up and smell the coffee....H will never be the husband you want and deserve. He is a husband, but on his terms. I am wildly upset and sad. I refuse to let this take over my life as it has in the past.
I made plans to go to an art museum in Raleigh to see the Monets. I'm going on with my life. We have a 35th anniversary to celebrate. I suggested we just politely ignore it, since we have nothing to celebrate. He insisted we "celebrate". I had told him earlier in the year not to screw up this anniversary as he had our 25th. This was his chance to redeem himself. Well, oh gosh, oh golly, he forgot. Forgot to make any reservations, any plans. All up to me.
When I told his Screw it then... he went to work and promptly ask co-workers for names of places he might take me. Dumb ass.
So, its nothing special...to late to get reservations at The Inn at Little Washington, too late for reservations for a cabin at Black Water Falls in WV.
I'm sure it will be "fine". Just another anniversary, nothing special, as our marriage. Undeserving of a special "no holds barred" blowout.
Just 35 years.
huh. . .
This is the first time in my life I've had no Christmas Tree.
The best thing about Christmas - my son will be here Thursday. Wish I could see my daughter also. Miss these wonderful kids.
